Posts Tagged "wedding etiquette"
You Should Have to Pay a Huge Fine to the Couple, If…
…your cell phone goes off during their wedding ceremony. Seriously, you are wrong on so many levels. Now let’s say it together, “Please Silence Cell Phones.” The key word here is “SILENCE” not put on “VIBRATE”, but “SILENCE”. No one wants to hear your cell phone ringer, especially if it is the the hit song, Lollipop by Lil’ Wayne or the theme song from the Beverly Hillbillies at their wedding ceremony, nor do they want to here the vibrations from your phone that’s still loud and annoying because the noise is echoing against the walls of the Sanctuary.
Photo Source: Gneil.com
Etiquette :: Part III – répondez s’il vous plait
Our etiquette series continues this week with a third lesson on invitation and reply card etiquette. Today’s words of wisdom concerns the “do nots” of responding to a wedding invitation.
Following, I will give a few scenarios that I have experienced personally or have witness bridal couples experience from invited guests.
Scenario 1
You have just received a wedding invitation that has been addressed to you and only you. You are single, but you would like your best girlfriend to accompany you. So, you decide to call the bride and ask if it is okay for you to bring your best friend.
The Issue:
You are wrong on so many levels, even if the bride is your sister, cousin, or other best friend nothing gives you the right to call the bride and ask if your uninvited best friend can accompany you to the wedding. It’s inconsiderate and disrespectable to the bride, not to mention you have put her in an uncomfortable position and hence this is a direct violation of etiquette.
What Should You do?
To start with, you should have never picked up the phone to ask if you could bring someone who was not invited, but I digress. The only thing you can do is attend the wedding alone or not attend at all. It’s your choice, but please do not be childish about the situation if the bride tells you that unfortunately they have a restricted number of guests of who they can invite or that they have decided to only invite close relatives and friends.
Scenario 2
You received a wedding invitation addressed to only you and your significant other, but you have two children who you would like to bring with you to the wedding because you will be traveling out-of-town to attend and you do not want to leave your children behind.
The Issue
The fact that your little ones were not on the invitation is a sure sign that they are not invited. More than likely, it is an adult only reception. You may feel that because you will be traveling out-of-town, they should make an exception. Right?
Wrong…you are not that special.
What Should You Do?
Find someone to baby sit the little ones at home or if you bring them with you, you need to have someone available to baby sit them while you attend the wedding. You should NOT phone the couple and ask if they will make an exception for you to bring your children. If they do it for you, then they need to do it for everyone. More importantly, allowing your children defeats the whole purpose of having an adult only reception.
Read MoreEtiquette :: Email Is A Blessing & A Curse
The technological advancements we have made such as the creation of the Internet and email have been a blessing, in that, it is a wonderful tool to use for business and marketing, and in some instances to conduct business transactions. Email also allows us to communicate with people across the globe at any time of the day or night.
With this technological invention, it is quite possible for one to start the event planning process with just a click of a button. For example, you can use the Internet to find and research suitable wedding vendors, schedule vendor appointments with them via email, and perhaps, have a complimentary consultation with those vendors via a web conference.
- to send out wedding invitations
- and to send out ‘thank you’ notes
No matter how tempting, cost-efficient, or time saving it may seem, emailing wedding invitations and sending ‘thank you’ notes via email is inappropriate on all levels.
Maybe he or she will understand, but it is inconsiderate and disrespectful of you, not to mention a direct violation of etiquette. As mentioned previously, when I use the term etiquette I am not referring to how strait-lace you should be, rather that you should be respectful and considerate of others and appreciative of what they have done for you.
As for ‘thank you’ notes, they should always be handwritten and personalized to the specific person you are thanking. You can click here to read more about the etiquette of ‘thank you’ notes – who should receive them and how they should be written.
Etiquette :: Part II – répondez s’il vous plait
A few days ago we kick started our etiquette series. Today, I will continue the discussion on the importance of sending back the reply card included with your invitation. The reply card lets the bridal couple know WHO and HOW MANY guests will be attending their wedding.
This is important because the couple needs to be able to give an accurate head count to the caterer to ensure there will be plenty of food for everyone and in some cases the reply card may request guests to make menu selections. The reply cards allow the couple to make seating arrangements, as well.
I ended our first post on reply card etiquette with the following statement:
so why do I have to fill out a reply card? After all, Kaitlin and I are first cousins?”
Often times, close relatives and friends make this assumption. But let me raise a couple questions: how does the bridal couple know for certain that you will be attending their wedding? As far as they know, you could be vacationing in the U.S. Virgin Islands the week of their wedding.
The bigger question: why can’t you just send the reply card back? It’s really not that difficult to fill out and mail back to the couple.
If you still do not understand why the couple should not assume that you will be attending, please look at this way. If the bridal couple assumed that 10 close relatives and friends were attending, despite they did not return their reply cards and the catering fee for each guest was $45.00 and none of them showed.
Guest what?
They just wasted $450.00 dollars on 10 guests meals because you did not show up. This is not including the extra table setting or two they had to pay for because they assumed you were attending. Let’s do the math…
- lamour table linen at $38.00 each
- lamour chair covers with ties for 10 guests at $55.00 ($5.50 each)
- nice table-centre at the minimum of $65.00 each
The grand total including the cost of food, one table setting including chair covers with ties to accommodate 10 people will cost the couple well over $600 after taxes and shipping and delivery charges.
Now, do you understand why you should fill out the reply card and send it back to the bridal couple? And more importantly, why the bridal should not make assumptions that you will be attending. It’s too expensive and not in their best interest. Please put yourself in their shoes and ask,
“Am I willing to spend $600 on people I assume were coming but who does not show?”
My guess is that you would not make such an assumption because you could use that money for something else. So the next time you receive an invitation, please take all of this into consideration and send your reply card back right away. Lastly if you reply that you will be attending the event, you should make every effort to honor your commitment to attend.
Part I: répondez s’il vous plait (RSVP)
As a consultant and a blogger, part of my job is to educate my clients and readers. This week I would like to focus on etiquette. One is my personal pet peeves and a HUGE issue many bridal couples run into is when guests do not carry out the one simple, but major responsibility they have. That responsibility is to répondez s’il vous plait, which is French for “please reply” to your invitation.
It is not a mere suggestion that you reply, but it is a mandatory request. Seriously, do you think the couple would have went through the trouble of ordering custom reply cards that match the invitations and paid for a pre-stamped envelope and not expect you to reply?
Um, how hard is this?
From the perspective of the bridal couple, here is the list of what they had to accomplish just to get the invitations and reply cards to you.
- Determine their budget
- Decide on a venue(s)
- Determine how many guests both their budget and venue(s) can accommodate
- Determine how many guests each of them can invite (each family is allotted half the total number of guests)
- Create and organize a guest list
- Find out or obtain up-to-date contact information for every person on the guest list
- Decide on invitation themes and ensembles
- Place an order for the invitation ensembles
- Address and mail invitations out approximately 6 to 8 weeks before the event date
- Give guests time to reply to the invitations
- Receive some reply cards back and make note of them on the guest list
- Wait patiently a bit longer for more guests to reply to invitations
- After much patience and the receipt of more reply cards, the bridal couple may choose contact those they thought were coming to confirm receipt of invitation and to remind them to reply
- Upon tallying up the reply cards, the wedding planner or bridal couple will give a final head count to the caterer to ensure their is enough food for each guest.
Now from the perspective the invited guest, here is the list of what you have to do.
- Receive the invitation in the mail
- Open the invitation and read it
- Decided if you will be attending the event
- Fill out the reply card as requested by the bridal couple
- Put the reply card in the pre-stamped envelope
- Seal it tight and mail it as soon as possible
How hard was that?
I imagine your tasks were not as challenging as the bridal couple’s tasks were for both creating the guest lists and getting the invitations out to you.
As a guest, especially, if you are a family member you may be thinking,
“Well Kaitlin and John should know that we are coming to their wedding,
so why do I have to fill out a reply card. After all, Kaitlin and I are first cousins?”
Please hold that thought and join me tomorrow as I address more etiquette issues concerning wedding invitations and the proper etiquette for replying to them, in addition to the “dos” and “don’ts”.
Photo Source: Wedding Paper Divas
Read MoreNext Week is All About the Big “E”
This upcoming week I would like to invite you to join me as I focus on etiquette. Before you get it twisted, I will not be talking about how uber-formal or strait-laced you should be, rather I will be addressing several issues faced by many engaged couples and how to deal with them.
When I mention etiquette, it has to do with being respectful of others and appreciative of what people do for you. It’s not about saying, “thank you mother dearest” or as I like to say, “kissing up or giving in to others” for the sake of maintaining peace. There is always a way to handle tough situations even when we do not want to face them.
Our first issue of etiquette is one of my biggest pet peeves and I have found it to be very frustrating among bridal couples. Please join me, Monday, April 28, 2008 to learn more. Until the then, I hope you have a fantastic weekend!
Be blessed and keep evolving!
Tabitha
Read MoreEtiquette :: “Thank You” Notes Are A Must For…
- Every person that gives you a wedding gift. This includes both presents and monetary gifts. If you receive monetary gifts, it’s not a bad idea to include in the “thank you” how you intend to use the money. Also, it is not uncommon to receive wedding gifts prior to your wedding. If this is the case, you should send a “thank you” note upon receipt of the gift (do not wait until after your wedding). On the other hand, if you receive gifts on your wedding day, ideally, you want to send “thank you” notes within a month or two. The sooner the better.
- Each member of your entire bridal party. You can attach a personalized and sentimental “thank you” note to their gifts at the time you give them their gifts, usually at the rehearsal dinner.
- Every person that hosts a shower or party in your honor. If there is more than one person hosting a party, each host must receive a personalized “thank you” note. The exception to this is when there is a group of people hosting a party in your honor, for example, a group of co-workers. In this case, you can send one note to the person(s) in charge of planning the party and they can pass it around to the co-workers.
When in doubt, the rule is to send a “thank you” to anyone that does something nice for you. That someone can be your officiant, the music director, those who assisted your with preparations, received deliveries, attended the parking lot on your wedding day, ran errands for you, etc. Of course, do not forget your vendors, especially those who exceeded your expectations.
Finally, when it comes to “thank you” notes there are two things to remember. The first is that every note should be handwritten and personalized. By personalized, I mean that you should never, ever write the same message or send a pre-printed message to everyone. The message should be directed specifically to the individual and the gift received. See the example below.
–
Dear Mr. and Mrs. Smith,
I absolutely love the Waterford Crystal Candlestick holders you gave us. I am certain that we will use them often on our table setting. In fact, we have invited a couple close friends over next month for a small dinner party and I will use them for the first time. They are so beautiful and one of my favorite gifts. Mark and I really appreciate the gift.
Dayla
–
Secondly, all “thank you” notes should be sent in a timely manner. If you received a load of gifts, you can set a daily goal to write and send, let’s say, 5 to 10 “thank you” notes a day. In this way, it will not feel like a chore and please remember you do not have to do it alone. You and your dear husband can sit down several evenings each week over tea and write them together. He can write “thank you” notes to those he knows the best and you to those you know the best. Of course, you will each write them showing gratitude from the both of you, although, the writer is the only one to sign, such as in the example gave above.
Photo Credit: Wedding Paper Divas
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